Stretch Arm Strong

I pretty much bit on the first stretching program that came along. It is the Gymnastic Bodies Stretch series. This program consists of three modules: Front Split (hamstrings), Bridge (shoulders) and Side Split (abductors). Each is about 40 minutes long and designed to be performed after a workout once per week.

Now let's get one thing straight, I hate stretching. I've never stretched for 40 minutes at a clip ever in my life. But, that's how I got to where I am. Something's gotta change. Hence my current status. The new Yak will tolerate stretching. For 40 minutes. Once for shoulders and once for hammies. In addition, I'm thoroughly warming up those two regions before all other workouts.

The coach of this program says to expect to see results in six to twelve months. Yeah. I think I can do better. (The coach also calls the ladies in the stretching video 'sweetie' and the guy 'big man' [On occasion, he'll also use their first names.]) I've got some serious room to grow. I can't even get into some of the positions they hold for two minutes. Seriously. Standing one-leg pike stretch!? No idea. Fold one leg behind you, press it to a wall and lean toward the other leg. Try not to fall on your head. I dare you. Send me videos/pictures/x-rays, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway, I'm in this thing. I'm going to stick with it until I can do the splits like Van Damme. Or at least until I can do a mean indy stiffy.

New Year, New Yak

Well holy shit. Here goes nada. I've never really made New Year's Resolutions, so I figure I'm about ready to start. This year I'm brainstorming some physical feats that are resolution-worthy, in addition to this writing feat which is part of the game. The writing goal is to write every day. The physical goals will change about every month. I have a rough list that I don't need to share just yet, but the first goal is well underway.

#1) The sit-and-reach and the swimmers' grip

The sit-and-reach (SnR) is one of the tests from the Presidential Physical Fitness Challenge from when I was in grade school. I've never been any good at it. Some months back my brother, we'll call him Mule, and I attempted to beat that challenge at the fifth-grade level. We called it Are You Fitter Than a Fifth Grader. The short version of the story ends with us toasting every test except the sit-n-reach (and the mile run for me). We both failed miserably at the SnR. The Mule was an astounding 13 inches away from the goal, making my 5.5-inch deficit look minuscule by comparison. For the record, I'm used to looking minuscule by comparison.

Anyway, my first goal is to touch my heels from a seated position with my feet roughly a foot apart and my legs straight. On my first attempt in January, I was 6.5 inches from the wall, with the wall being the '0' on the tape measure. I've got some work to do.

The swimmers' grip is not a sex move. That I know of. A quick check of Urban Dictionary yields no results. The swimmers' grip is a test of shoulder flexibility. You take one hand and reach over your head and down your spine while simultaneously taking the other hand and reach behind your back and up your spine. One hand reaching down, one reaching up, you try to clasp hands. Surprisingly I can do this with my right hand over and left under. I have enough overlap that the resultant grip could save a falling Harrison Ford in Blade Runner. The other way is not there yet. In fact, like a shy kid at a middle school dance, it's four inches from touching.

So that's where I'm at. More on the method to the meathead tomorrow.